XtremeTranceConnections; Fdj.Z

November .

Sunday, November 22, 2009| 11:45:00 PM

Cry ..

It has always been part of our emotions .

But why do people cry .

They have their own different reasons don't they .

Not only do girls cry but so do boys .

But discretely of course . Erhem ..

So.. i cried today .

Basically 2 reasons .

1. I had too much chilli today . :P

2. Thinking . Pondering . Wondering . Reflections . Realisation .

These 5 acts made me cried . for a good cause (i hoped.)

I just feel that i've done much wrong in this world , towards him especially .

I just want to be a much better person . Near perfect i hope .

I don't want history to repeat itself .

I want to lead a good life in future .

I want to be a good & filial son towards both my parents always .

I want to be a good leader in the family . Being the eldest son ..

I want to be a good father in future .

There's so much wants .. that i need .

Wondering why i can't wait for army ?

Is due to these reasons ..

I believe that only through hardships in life,

only then will i be a much more mature & better person .

I think i'm too spoilt sometimes .. Some say i'm rich but i'm not actually .

I'm only rich is because of what my parents provided me with .

It's because of them parents that i'm able to be where i am now .

They sacrificed so much for us.

All i can do now is be patient with them and pray for them .

I owe them so much ..

I realised ..

That loving god . Loving family . Is always a blessed feeling .

Everytime i think of them , it gave a sense of serenity in my heart .

The peaceful & soothing feeling i receive ..

But because of my ignorance at times that made me ..

feel .. otherwise .

I can't imagine what would happen to me if i were to neglect both .

It's only about 3 weeks left before i enter camp .

Excited , yes. But at the same time i'm thinking about my family .

How will things be like .. i wonder .

All i know is that i trust him that everything will be fine .

There can't be anymore doubts at heart anymore .

I have to be sure about my inner feelings .

Then only will my goals be clear .

May he show me the right path always .

Hi zien .

I don't know what you been up to these days ..

All i want to know is how you're doing and all .

I want to apologize . For everything .

Like burdening you with my personal family problems ..

I understand .. if there's ever a time you think i'm such a bother .

I can accept it .

But hope you'd know this .

I just needed someone to talk to .

You were a good sis to me , that's why i have the trust in you .

And thought i'd talk to you personally .

You do know that i have the bad habit of keeping things to myself sometimes .

It's my nature . What can i do .. I chose who i want to talk to about my problems.

It was you .

But i guess you're very busy in life now ..

Till i can't even seem to contact you much these days.

It's ok . I understand it very well ..

Just takecare of yourself . And all the best in whatever you do .

I haven't really been a good bro to you ..

And i'm sorry about it .

There was sometimes when i thought , it was ok if we'd be closer than before .

I guess you would have noticed that .. i tried to express my feelings towards you .

I was afraid i'd not be able to talk to you anymore ..

But you know what , at least i was never afraid to say out my feelings to you ,

even if it was indirectly saying it .. Correct ?

But whatever it is, i have no regrets at all.

It always been a nice feeling . To love someone that is so dear to you ..

I'm not tired . I never am when it comes to matters of the heart .

Can i ask you something ? I really am hoping for an answer, really .

Even if the truth hurts, so be it. As i'm used to hearing truths than lies .

What is it that makes us keep in touch since last year ?

If it's because of the online game, called maplestory ..

That made us keep in touch ..

Then .. i have nothing to say .

Cause i noticed alot of things around me .

And it began to awaken my senses, my awareness ..

Well i don't have to say it here .. As some of my maple buddies might get offended .

And this basically one of the reason why i quitted that game ..

I wanted to know if i can even find true and real friends through playing an online game .

But i'm really hoping this isn't the reason ..

Talk to me soon .

That's all i ask.

The other day, I met my primary school friend .

We had quite a long conversation .

Then came a question from her ..

"Hey ziq , i noticed your relationship status in facebook changed .

You in a relationship already ?"

My reply was ..

" I don't know .. hahah . I just changed to complicated . That's all ."

Her ;

" You everything also don't know . "

Me ;

" Haha .. What to do . I really don't know how she feels for me . "

Her ;

" Then ask her lah , talk to her .. Later if you enter army already you'd feel more depress. "

Me ;

" ... Haha . " *Grins*

It made me think deep .

Guess i was too easy-going ..

Though i'd rather take things naturally .

With some effort sometimes of course .

I'm not one who likes forcing people ..

So .. Anyway , I know it's quite a long post .

I'd be waiting for answers then .

Rather then more questions .

Till here .

Labels: Thoughts in mind

Tranced OUT; ziqq & zien

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